This new year I'm trying.
Because its becoming harder to keep myself in check.
Its not easy to not think negatively, that's what my brain tells me.
The past year has taught me many things and they aren't in any form of order but I would like to put these out into the universe so that if I need a reminder anytime soon I'll have them.
I can acknowledge fully that those closest to me have been trying to tell me these for a long time and its about time I attempt to listen but also in posting this I want to apologize profusely to my people who, this year you've dealt with all my freakouts, loses, moments of clarity followed by mindless stupidity. You've watched me fall apart at the seams and sadly you don't have an end date to all this. I thankyou for continously being there for me, even when you've probably wanted to kill me.
I have learnt some new things about me, some I don't like discussing, some I don't particularly like, some I'd like to improve on, some things that I need to change others I have to let go of.
So here they are. All of me on this page, there are probably a million more I need to pay attention to but these are what I have so far:
1. I HAVE depression and anxiety. I am NOT depression or anxiety.
2. Asking medical professionals for help is not showing weakness.
3. My body is my temple and its about time I start to take better care of myself.
4. Energy drinks are not my friend, I don't need them nor should I have them.
5. The gym is my happy place.
6. It is ok to speak up when you find a hair in my food. It is also ok to not want to eat anything else after that.
7. You won't know unless you jump.
8. I love my job, but I'm not my job. If I'm burning out I need to say something about it so I can continue to do the job I love.
9. Stepping back a little you can watch the amazing skills that your clients have slowly mastered.
10. You are allowed to be wrong. But you are also allowed to stand your ground if you are right.
11. Only say you're sorry when you mean it, not because you feel abiliged to.
12. Go on more contiki trips. You'll have #noregrets
13. Comfort zones are meant to be tested.
14. My body is capable of lifting weights.
15. Comparing yourself to someone else will never work.
16. Justin beibers music isn't too bad anymore, still not a beilber but the songs are catchy.
17. Dogs can always surprise you with a new trick or even a new friend.
18. Always pack light when going overseas because your arms will hurt, hell your everything will hurt.
19. You're never too old to enjoy disneyland.
20. Make friends with the disneynerds because they will help you if you ask.
21. Choose to take things in. Even when you think its too hard to bear.
22. You can't make someone want to stay your friend.
23. Use kind words and actions because using unkind words will only hurt you more.
24. You know for damn sure that unkind words are not who you are.
25. Laugh loudly and laugh freely. Even if you want to cry.
26. Pain is something you can take but don't think you are invincible.
27. Fear is real and understandable, and no one can tell you otherwise.
28. Flying foxes are meant to launch you quite quick.
29. If on a flying fox, prepare to stop yourself effectively. Not with your face but with your legs and or arms.
30. Panic attacks can only control you as much as you let them.
31. I am too attached to my phone.
32. I need to go overseas more.
33. A workout is still a workout, no matter what.
34. Breathe. Its something you are meant to do. Just breathe.
35. Have a bad day. You aren't supposed to be happy all the time.
36. Having alone time isn't as harmful as you think.
37. Distancing yourself from people is fine as long as you understand the true reasons for doing so.
38. Don't distance yourself with malice.
39. Celebrate the milestones.
40. 3 tattoos in 1 year - awesome.
41. Don't get tattooed without your best friends being there.
42. Friends do things you mightn't like all the time, that doesn't mean that they don't care.
43. Try to be as open and honest with those who you hold dear.
44. Accept that sometimes being honest hurts.
45. Just because you can't do something straight away, keep trying anyway.
46. Plane trips are not easy for me, fly with people who get that.
47. Its more than ok to grieve for your loses.
48. Let your dog tell you when he's ok to meet another dog.
49. When you are told to have bed rest, have some damn bed rest.
50. Heat stroke is not fun.
51. Don't get it before a boat ride.
52. If you aren't ok you need to say something.
53. Heavy duty phone covers are great for you.
54. I drop my phone too often.
55. A panic attack is the bodies way of telling you that something isn't right with your body.
56. Get your butt kicked at least once a month by your pt.
57. I need to learn when to stop. Stop drinking, stop caring, stop being nice to the person who treats you like dirt time and time again. Stop pretending to be ok.
58. Don't be afraid of everything.
59. Be present.
60. Don't forget that you are awesome.
61. If someone is willing to walk away more than what's pescribed, don't let them walk back to you.
62. Know your worth.
63. Disneyland has the best cocktails (have the blue ones!)
64. Don't let your happy dim.
65. I love singing.
66. The people who love you still do even when you are feral.
67. Go that extra mile for people, because you never know when you need a shoulder to lean on.
68. Look for that dress in Sorrento, Italy. Even when you've only seen it once and only in passing.
69. Eat more gelati.
70. Its ok to be mad or sad or whatever feeling you are feeling. Fact is your feeling.
71. You are not empty.
72. I can do more things than I've ever imagined.
73. Making a list helps me to relax.
74. Some people aren't meant to be involved in your life forever.
75. If they cant be - let them go.
76. Let go of the hurt and the stress and the anger and everything else in between, just let go.
77. Don't be friends with someone if your feelings are too hard to handle.
78. Get lost more. You might discover more of yourself thats hiding.
79. Do more things to ease my stressers.
80. If you make the decision to fall, keep trying anyway. Fall anyway, even if you know it could hurt later, even if it scares you.
81. I don't need someone for me to be happy, I need to be happy for me.
82. Go that extra km, do that extra set of squats, go 10mins longer.
83. Admit that sometimes you can't control your actions or your feelings.
84. Keep learning.
85. If something doesn't feel right, you're not imagining it. Run.
86. Do not allow yourself to be ignored by mindless stupidity.
87. You are worth more than you've been telling yourself.
88. Allow yourself to be happy.
89. Give all you can, even if you don't get what you wanted in return.
90. Its ok not to continue standing in one place waiting for someone to be ready.
91. Go after what you want, ask anyway.
92. Take that risk, just to know you tried.
93. Pay attention to your body. Warning signs are there to remind you to keep you healthy.
94. Make time for your people. They keep you sane.
95. Remember to step out of a packed room every once in a while to be on your own- panic attacks are reduced to nothing.
96. Ask for advice from those who know you best.
97. Move away from those thoughts that hold you back.
98. Go and have fun.
99. Plan things. Current and future.
100. Forgive and forgive quickly.
101. Wish people well, even of you are mad of upset with them, even if they are upset with you.
102. Hang out with people, even when you really don't feel like it.
103.Keep living.
If I annoy you. Be my person anyway.
If I scare you. Surprise me anyway.
This is me. Pledging to be better. Pledging to work harder to keep my head above water.
Making a promise to my people that this fight will be won. I'm not there yet, but I am in no way giving up anytime soon.
Xx
Because its becoming harder to keep myself in check.
Its not easy to not think negatively, that's what my brain tells me.
The past year has taught me many things and they aren't in any form of order but I would like to put these out into the universe so that if I need a reminder anytime soon I'll have them.
I can acknowledge fully that those closest to me have been trying to tell me these for a long time and its about time I attempt to listen but also in posting this I want to apologize profusely to my people who, this year you've dealt with all my freakouts, loses, moments of clarity followed by mindless stupidity. You've watched me fall apart at the seams and sadly you don't have an end date to all this. I thankyou for continously being there for me, even when you've probably wanted to kill me.
I have learnt some new things about me, some I don't like discussing, some I don't particularly like, some I'd like to improve on, some things that I need to change others I have to let go of.
So here they are. All of me on this page, there are probably a million more I need to pay attention to but these are what I have so far:
1. I HAVE depression and anxiety. I am NOT depression or anxiety.
2. Asking medical professionals for help is not showing weakness.
3. My body is my temple and its about time I start to take better care of myself.
4. Energy drinks are not my friend, I don't need them nor should I have them.
5. The gym is my happy place.
6. It is ok to speak up when you find a hair in my food. It is also ok to not want to eat anything else after that.
7. You won't know unless you jump.
8. I love my job, but I'm not my job. If I'm burning out I need to say something about it so I can continue to do the job I love.
9. Stepping back a little you can watch the amazing skills that your clients have slowly mastered.
10. You are allowed to be wrong. But you are also allowed to stand your ground if you are right.
11. Only say you're sorry when you mean it, not because you feel abiliged to.
12. Go on more contiki trips. You'll have #noregrets
13. Comfort zones are meant to be tested.
14. My body is capable of lifting weights.
15. Comparing yourself to someone else will never work.
16. Justin beibers music isn't too bad anymore, still not a beilber but the songs are catchy.
17. Dogs can always surprise you with a new trick or even a new friend.
18. Always pack light when going overseas because your arms will hurt, hell your everything will hurt.
19. You're never too old to enjoy disneyland.
20. Make friends with the disneynerds because they will help you if you ask.
21. Choose to take things in. Even when you think its too hard to bear.
22. You can't make someone want to stay your friend.
23. Use kind words and actions because using unkind words will only hurt you more.
24. You know for damn sure that unkind words are not who you are.
25. Laugh loudly and laugh freely. Even if you want to cry.
26. Pain is something you can take but don't think you are invincible.
27. Fear is real and understandable, and no one can tell you otherwise.
28. Flying foxes are meant to launch you quite quick.
29. If on a flying fox, prepare to stop yourself effectively. Not with your face but with your legs and or arms.
30. Panic attacks can only control you as much as you let them.
31. I am too attached to my phone.
32. I need to go overseas more.
33. A workout is still a workout, no matter what.
34. Breathe. Its something you are meant to do. Just breathe.
35. Have a bad day. You aren't supposed to be happy all the time.
36. Having alone time isn't as harmful as you think.
37. Distancing yourself from people is fine as long as you understand the true reasons for doing so.
38. Don't distance yourself with malice.
39. Celebrate the milestones.
40. 3 tattoos in 1 year - awesome.
41. Don't get tattooed without your best friends being there.
42. Friends do things you mightn't like all the time, that doesn't mean that they don't care.
43. Try to be as open and honest with those who you hold dear.
44. Accept that sometimes being honest hurts.
45. Just because you can't do something straight away, keep trying anyway.
46. Plane trips are not easy for me, fly with people who get that.
47. Its more than ok to grieve for your loses.
48. Let your dog tell you when he's ok to meet another dog.
49. When you are told to have bed rest, have some damn bed rest.
50. Heat stroke is not fun.
51. Don't get it before a boat ride.
52. If you aren't ok you need to say something.
53. Heavy duty phone covers are great for you.
54. I drop my phone too often.
55. A panic attack is the bodies way of telling you that something isn't right with your body.
56. Get your butt kicked at least once a month by your pt.
57. I need to learn when to stop. Stop drinking, stop caring, stop being nice to the person who treats you like dirt time and time again. Stop pretending to be ok.
58. Don't be afraid of everything.
59. Be present.
60. Don't forget that you are awesome.
61. If someone is willing to walk away more than what's pescribed, don't let them walk back to you.
62. Know your worth.
63. Disneyland has the best cocktails (have the blue ones!)
64. Don't let your happy dim.
65. I love singing.
66. The people who love you still do even when you are feral.
67. Go that extra mile for people, because you never know when you need a shoulder to lean on.
68. Look for that dress in Sorrento, Italy. Even when you've only seen it once and only in passing.
69. Eat more gelati.
70. Its ok to be mad or sad or whatever feeling you are feeling. Fact is your feeling.
71. You are not empty.
72. I can do more things than I've ever imagined.
73. Making a list helps me to relax.
74. Some people aren't meant to be involved in your life forever.
75. If they cant be - let them go.
76. Let go of the hurt and the stress and the anger and everything else in between, just let go.
77. Don't be friends with someone if your feelings are too hard to handle.
78. Get lost more. You might discover more of yourself thats hiding.
79. Do more things to ease my stressers.
80. If you make the decision to fall, keep trying anyway. Fall anyway, even if you know it could hurt later, even if it scares you.
81. I don't need someone for me to be happy, I need to be happy for me.
82. Go that extra km, do that extra set of squats, go 10mins longer.
83. Admit that sometimes you can't control your actions or your feelings.
84. Keep learning.
85. If something doesn't feel right, you're not imagining it. Run.
86. Do not allow yourself to be ignored by mindless stupidity.
87. You are worth more than you've been telling yourself.
88. Allow yourself to be happy.
89. Give all you can, even if you don't get what you wanted in return.
90. Its ok not to continue standing in one place waiting for someone to be ready.
91. Go after what you want, ask anyway.
92. Take that risk, just to know you tried.
93. Pay attention to your body. Warning signs are there to remind you to keep you healthy.
94. Make time for your people. They keep you sane.
95. Remember to step out of a packed room every once in a while to be on your own- panic attacks are reduced to nothing.
96. Ask for advice from those who know you best.
97. Move away from those thoughts that hold you back.
98. Go and have fun.
99. Plan things. Current and future.
100. Forgive and forgive quickly.
101. Wish people well, even of you are mad of upset with them, even if they are upset with you.
102. Hang out with people, even when you really don't feel like it.
103.Keep living.
If I annoy you. Be my person anyway.
If I scare you. Surprise me anyway.
This is me. Pledging to be better. Pledging to work harder to keep my head above water.
Making a promise to my people that this fight will be won. I'm not there yet, but I am in no way giving up anytime soon.
Xx
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