Colour Change
Never have I seen a dog change in colour as much as our Toby.When he'd first arrived, he was chocolate brown, with white socks.
By the time of his departure he was a caramel colour with bits of dark, and lighter shades of brown.
Toby and food
If he smelt food or saw food it belonged to him. Food was his biggest motivation, so if you didn't give him any you would suffer the wrath!He'd climb, jump, growl, whine, and steal if you didn't give some up. Probably why at one stage he was double the size he should've been.
Spoilt boy.
Dad built a veranda onto his kennel so that he'd have extra shade.Thunderstorms and fireworks terrified him, so it always meant that he would be inside cuddling with us. Eventually he got his own heated bed that would stay inside all the time so he could come in, so whenever possible you'd find Toby inside fast asleep on his warm cosy bed.
That didn't solve anything when it was simply cold. Dad placed a heat mat inside his kennel and had it running 24 hours a day during winter.
Toby and the vet.
Toby had a love/hate relationship with our vet Dr Harry (not the one on TV)
At the start Toby walked in tail wagging, and curious.
At the start Toby walked in tail wagging, and curious.
In the middle he'd get as far as the door and then attempt to run away.
All those times we had to take him for his annual checkup and shots were painful. But when it was time to leave Toby would practically dance his way outside...
All those times we had to take him for his annual checkup and shots were painful. But when it was time to leave Toby would practically dance his way outside...
Towards the end Toby would scare me half to death.
All of a sudden Toby would start seizing in the vet clinic, no warning nothing. He'd drop and I'd lose it.
The worst happened while I was on my own, we'd walked that morning because the vets only 10mins up the road from us, Toby walked straight inside the vets with no fuss. We were standing at reception desk when Toby dropped, usually when this happened mum would be there with a clear head but she wasn't so everything went out the window. He had to be sedated and the vet said he'd call at lunchtime. It was then I had to walk the 10mins back home, i didn't make it even 2mins before mum came racing up, dad was prepared to grab Pete from school if it was the time. That day ruined me. I thought I'd have to say goodbye way before his time and i wasn't ready for it.
Midday on the dot I rang the vets, he was still sleeping it off so call back in an hour. the receptionist knew who was calling at 1 exactly so she'd already asked the vet for an update, he was fine and I could come get him at 3. Turns out if you become stressed out in a vet clinic they treat you like VIP royalty, at 2:45 I was able to walk out the back and get my boy.
All of a sudden Toby would start seizing in the vet clinic, no warning nothing. He'd drop and I'd lose it.
The worst happened while I was on my own, we'd walked that morning because the vets only 10mins up the road from us, Toby walked straight inside the vets with no fuss. We were standing at reception desk when Toby dropped, usually when this happened mum would be there with a clear head but she wasn't so everything went out the window. He had to be sedated and the vet said he'd call at lunchtime. It was then I had to walk the 10mins back home, i didn't make it even 2mins before mum came racing up, dad was prepared to grab Pete from school if it was the time. That day ruined me. I thought I'd have to say goodbye way before his time and i wasn't ready for it.
Midday on the dot I rang the vets, he was still sleeping it off so call back in an hour. the receptionist knew who was calling at 1 exactly so she'd already asked the vet for an update, he was fine and I could come get him at 3. Turns out if you become stressed out in a vet clinic they treat you like VIP royalty, at 2:45 I was able to walk out the back and get my boy.
Lazy days
If I had a day off and the weather was nice I'd pull out
the picnic blanket, set myself up and read... well actually I'd
probably only read one page before nosey would climb all over me so we'd
end up having a snuggle or a nap. It was how my parents found us
mostly.
Car rides were always interesting.
It was different every time he got into the car, either way most a trip
would be spent with someone having him curled up in our laps. Imagine
trying to drive like that?
That's how our night cuddles became more frequent.
Toby loved to climb on people and being such a little dog most would let him. But as he aged he didn't want to climb very often, when he wouldn't want to go to sleep of a night time though he'd try even with his arthritis to climb into my lap where eventually he'd doze off, some nights wed sit there for hours enjoying our cuddles.
Some nights I'd spill on all the wonderful things he had done for our family, most nights I'd tell him how much I loved him.
Toby loved to climb on people and being such a little dog most would let him. But as he aged he didn't want to climb very often, when he wouldn't want to go to sleep of a night time though he'd try even with his arthritis to climb into my lap where eventually he'd doze off, some nights wed sit there for hours enjoying our cuddles.
Some nights I'd spill on all the wonderful things he had done for our family, most nights I'd tell him how much I loved him.
They say you know when you know.
My parents had given the choice to me. I'd be the last person to come around but ultimately the decision had to be mine.
This is the part you should stop reading if this kind of thing upsets you.
My parents had given the choice to me. I'd be the last person to come around but ultimately the decision had to be mine.
This is the part you should stop reading if this kind of thing upsets you.
I'd always thought the decision would he easy.
He'd lose his appetite and I'd decide, his arthritis would get worse and I'd make the decision.
What i wasn't expecting was that eventually in the end it would be
Toby letting me know it was time and i had to come to terms with that.
My one condition was that it had to be at home with his family. I was not having him leaving us somewhere he 2as afraid of, somewhere away from the home he'd gained and loved. The biggest reason for wanting him to be home was that if he had to go to vet i wouldn't be able to go and say goodbye. That idea was too hard.
My one condition was that it had to be at home with his family. I was not having him leaving us somewhere he 2as afraid of, somewhere away from the home he'd gained and loved. The biggest reason for wanting him to be home was that if he had to go to vet i wouldn't be able to go and say goodbye. That idea was too hard.
So the research began.
Most vets won't do house calls, and even if they did the
price would be painful. Not to mention it would be on their schedule and
i didn't want someone coming in and rushing the process because of
another client.
Thank you google.
There are a few mobile vet services around Melbourne that offer end of life care for our pets, so how would i choose? I wanted to know everything about the vets, their treatments, anything.
Most websites provided info on the end of care but not the vets. Others would be plain and with no information to be found.
By this point I was starting to get worried. What if i had to pick someone And Toby didn't like them. What if they caused him more pain....
Then came our last option.
Thank you google.
There are a few mobile vet services around Melbourne that offer end of life care for our pets, so how would i choose? I wanted to know everything about the vets, their treatments, anything.
Most websites provided info on the end of care but not the vets. Others would be plain and with no information to be found.
By this point I was starting to get worried. What if i had to pick someone And Toby didn't like them. What if they caused him more pain....
Then came our last option.
My best friend.
Yellow pages had a link to a website, it wasn't on the first pages, but
there was no way any from the first page were coming to see my boy.
One last shot I thought. Up popped the name of the business and instantly I needed to know more.
One last shot I thought. Up popped the name of the business and instantly I needed to know more.
My Best Friend.
Dr Emma Whiston. Based out of mitcham, mobile home vet service for aged animal's. I found out the process to everything, what came after. I knew where she'd studied and i knew why she had started this business. Her dad was a vet and after witnessing her father complete an end of life treatment for one of their pets at home she became interested in specific palliative and end of life for our older companion animals.
This website was my choice.
In order to book a visit you had to call up and speak with Dr Emma, I was so prepared to be strong but the second i had to explain about my boy the tears started, but Dr Emma was prepared. We all know what its like to lose our friend and its OK to grieve, if i had to hang up without warning to calm down then that was fine. If we wanted to meet her first that would be arranged. There was no time limit. If we were ready then so was she and she'd offered advice on the next step that no one usually thinks about. She was my choice.
Dr Emma Whiston. Based out of mitcham, mobile home vet service for aged animal's. I found out the process to everything, what came after. I knew where she'd studied and i knew why she had started this business. Her dad was a vet and after witnessing her father complete an end of life treatment for one of their pets at home she became interested in specific palliative and end of life for our older companion animals.
This website was my choice.
In order to book a visit you had to call up and speak with Dr Emma, I was so prepared to be strong but the second i had to explain about my boy the tears started, but Dr Emma was prepared. We all know what its like to lose our friend and its OK to grieve, if i had to hang up without warning to calm down then that was fine. If we wanted to meet her first that would be arranged. There was no time limit. If we were ready then so was she and she'd offered advice on the next step that no one usually thinks about. She was my choice.
The days leading up to the end were awful. In trying to
seem happy and calm with Toby I'd end up a mess the second he walked
away or i had to go inside. I didn't sleep because I'd have nightmares
and wake up in tears, i barely ate because eating made me feel
horrible.
His last day was approaching, our last goodnight cuddle was here and i couldn't keep it together.
I sat with him for as long as i could. For hours we sat. I'd cry, I'd tell him how much he was loved by all of us especially me. I thanked him for all that he'd done.
I sat with him for as long as i could. For hours we sat. I'd cry, I'd tell him how much he was loved by all of us especially me. I thanked him for all that he'd done.
Toby had taught me to be a better pet owner to love fiercer and to always give someone the benefit of the doubt.
He taught my brother to be gentler, to be calmer and most of all to have fun.
I'll not blog about his last day just yet. That i am still actively grieving.
My grief compounds who I am. Even now I'm still grieving my losses. Although probably a lot smaller of a loss than most people. But still my grief.
Writing this blog post took so many attempts because I'd end up in tears. But with recent times I need to recognise that I am always grieving. Some are easier than others, some took me by surprise and some we knew what was ahead.
I also knew that I had to finish this before yet another anniversary month went by.
I loved that dog with all of my being. My soul is shattered beyond repair. Toby was my best friend and I'll miss him all of my days until I can see him again.
I loved you best.
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