My family drives me crazy...

If it wasn't purely because of my brother and my dog, I would NOT still be living at home.


  My family life is less than perfect to say the least... I've got an autistic brother mixed with a dad who has to put his two cents in about everything and is as stubborn as I am mixed with a mother who is absolutely paranoid about anything and everything, can alienate herself at every option, and is lazy as hell! Then there's me the 'golden child' the singer, the barista the whatever... I have the Temper and stubbornness from dad, the ability to understand everything in the eyes of my brother, and the... I hope nothing from my mum, but you know time will always tell :S
 
I will NEVER EVER say that having an autistic and brain damaged brother has been a bad thing!!! EVER!


I'm not kidding! Peter is the best thing that has ever happened to this family (human anyway) as much as NONE of my extended family or sometimes even my parents can see.
  He never See's the worst in people, and he's different. Not in the bad 'oh he's different' kind of connotation, but as in most autistics aren't people friendly, they are shy, severly withdrawn and hard to get to open up and show emotion. That is not my brother. Peter is bubbly, lively, confident, hardly ever outspoken and he will shake the hand of every person stranger or not. He isn't afraid to be happy or angry or scared or lonely, and if you actually get a chance to know him he's a beautiful 18yr old child with the mind of a 5 yr old.
  I can remember coming home after year 12 to have my brother ask me how my day was, and what was for dinner... On quite random basis i would get a hug on my walk in. My parents didn't care as long as I was passing everything was perfect.. Truth was? I hated everyday of year12 especially after I came back from overseas. My friends had ditched me, my grades were suffering and all I could think was I want to run away never come back. My brother kept me going. When I was crying from all the stress my brother would drag me into his room and force me to listen to the wiggles or watch thomas the tank for a while, with a can of pepsi and some MnM's always made things better.
   In turn if my brother needs anyone to understand him is mum and dad. But instead his big sister becky can understand everything he tries to get across to everyone else I'm that person who speaks for him, to him. Mum pushes his buttons all the time, talking to him like he's an idiot or yelling at him for the silliest things, making him angry as hell. Put dad's patients into the mix and bam! Pete's anger soars out of 'control' Well sure If you yelled and spoke to me the way you two do of course I would crack the shits and leave the house... Peter doesn't have that luxury. So when he cracks it look out, oh and don't try and lock him out of the house in an effort to stop him.. He will put his hand through the window because he simply doesn't understand why his parents locked him out of the house, (been there done that) The only thing he wants is for someone to turn around CARMLY and say 'hey what's going on? why are you angry?' and he'll TELL YOU!!!!!!! It's really not that hard.


As the way the 'Golden girl' I swear mum is in constant completition with me, whether its how skinny I look, or what clothes I wear or what size heaven forbid, what I eat. when I eat, how much I eat, what I watch, what I think, EVERYTHING. hello you are my mother. My 54 yr old mother is refusing to eat meat because meat makes ME sick. Non dairy because I'M lactose intollerent. And If I get sick and go off my food SHE feels sick too... Or better yet will do a 'diet' of the meals and portions I'm eating. Everyday she asks ME is she looks fat, that I should WEIGH myself and tell her how much I weigh WTF? First of all who in their right mind tries to get their daughter, their 20yr old daughter to weigh herself. Surely it should be 'you shouldn't weigh yourself because you are perfect the way you are and should love yourself'
 
I LOVE MY BODY


 There's nothing I would change to be honest I don't wiegh myself I don't have to. I'm a size 10 woman who has Curves and Hips what more could I want?
 But everytime I tell her it just goes in one ear and out the other and she just repeats it over and over.


I will never be good enough in the eyes of my parents.


They have such high expectations its hard not to dissapoint them... No I don't want to become a famous singer, I want to be a teacher. I'm going to work at the best school that pays the most money.. Do they really think the pays all that good whereever I work? I work in a coffee shop, but I'm not earning enough and I'm not a supervisor, I don't want to be. I'm going to work at my choir once i get sick of teaching brats, no I'll be working for them and being a teacher as well, the pay would not be that good for once a week type of thing... I'm still living at home, yeah because I can really afford to move out. I run myself into the ground all the time, maybe its the fact that I have a million things I have to do to get me into teaching. I failed one class at tafe, and the world is crashing around me...


My family drives me crazy, but they are my family sadly I couldn't pick them... If I could I'd still pick my brother and my dog. xx


This is me for the night. I needed to get all of this off my chest.