It has become my choice that sometimes you have to think about one thing & one thing only. Yourself.
I don't mean 'hey lets all be selfish all the time and just flat out drop kicks to society' because that causes more problems than its solves, and wouldn't it be damn near exhausting to think about yourself and only yourself 100% of the time?
What I want noted right here: Is that regardless of what's gone on in my life over its entirety, there have been moments where I have needed to think of my interests, feelings, ideals, life.
But you forget after a while, because naturally most people are programmed to take on other worries, other stresses.
A friend has a dark crisis, family problems, work becomes intense that you don't have a moment to think of anything else.
And that's perfectly OK. Because heck. We're human.
And being worried about other people is well amazing, its good knowing you've supported someone through whatever they have its what makes us so human.
But when it gets too much. When it becomes detrimental to your health? your well being?
At what point can you say enough.? I'm done.? When will you walk away? How do you get to that point where you know its too big even for you to deal with?
A time ago I used to be close to someone, talked to them everyday, spent every free moment with them, the movies, the parties, the dinners/breakfasts/lunches, crazy childish notions, the conversations, the laughs/tears/fights. We will have more than one of these people in our lives for the entirety. Sadly it seems apart of our everyday. And its not always the same reason either.
You can be friends with someone, but hate the fact that they do drugs or never passed high school. Maybe you thought it was a fantastic idea at the time to move in with someone only to realise that they drive you crazy. What if you disliked your partners friends?
It could be one thing or a million things.
People don't just stay the same all throughout life. It was never meant to work that way. We change, we grow.
Maybe the characteristics you had as a kid no longer reflect who you are now. And sometimes it works for the better. You grow together, maybe you drift apart at the start but you get to know this new personality and realise you love that too. Maybe you try fitting a square into a circle. You can't just cut it until you fit together (Thank you Missy Higgins for that little bit) If you try to be someone you aren't just to attempt to keep the peace, may just end up blowing up in your face.
Its at this point I must also state that this blog post is not in anyway aimed at only one person, it's a general idea that for a while I have been thinking about because I realised that I was trying to fit the square idea into a circle, I wasn't happy, it was straining on all accounts.
Sometimes you have to shut off. Turn off the 'oh poor you' thoughts every time that person has to tell you over and over again about the same damn issue, regardless of how long ago it was, or if it was resolved or not, when that becomes the only thing you talk about.
Its not a careless or a heartless thing. Sadly it just becomes too difficult to care anymore.
And for once in my life I'm not apologising for it.
I won't apologise for no longer caring, for longer pretending everything will be OK with that friend/acquaintance/work mate etc. Because I'm sick of trying to cut something that just won't fit.
I'm sick of being the one that apologises for what has gone on, when not once have I heard those words reciprocated back to me.
I was not always the person in the wrong. They weren't perfect, and I never thought of them that way.
Now that its all said and done... Well maybe on my part anyway. We've said our peace in some instance.
It was too difficult to care then and nothings changed... I apologise for nothing because there's nothing else left to say.
It might come off as cold, but its because it was too difficult to care now that that person is now no longer part of my life & I don't feel like trying to blunt me so we'd fit. (again Thank you Missy Higgins)
Xx
I don't mean 'hey lets all be selfish all the time and just flat out drop kicks to society' because that causes more problems than its solves, and wouldn't it be damn near exhausting to think about yourself and only yourself 100% of the time?
What I want noted right here: Is that regardless of what's gone on in my life over its entirety, there have been moments where I have needed to think of my interests, feelings, ideals, life.
But you forget after a while, because naturally most people are programmed to take on other worries, other stresses.
A friend has a dark crisis, family problems, work becomes intense that you don't have a moment to think of anything else.
And that's perfectly OK. Because heck. We're human.
And being worried about other people is well amazing, its good knowing you've supported someone through whatever they have its what makes us so human.
But when it gets too much. When it becomes detrimental to your health? your well being?
At what point can you say enough.? I'm done.? When will you walk away? How do you get to that point where you know its too big even for you to deal with?
A time ago I used to be close to someone, talked to them everyday, spent every free moment with them, the movies, the parties, the dinners/breakfasts/lunches, crazy childish notions, the conversations, the laughs/tears/fights. We will have more than one of these people in our lives for the entirety. Sadly it seems apart of our everyday. And its not always the same reason either.
You can be friends with someone, but hate the fact that they do drugs or never passed high school. Maybe you thought it was a fantastic idea at the time to move in with someone only to realise that they drive you crazy. What if you disliked your partners friends?
It could be one thing or a million things.
People don't just stay the same all throughout life. It was never meant to work that way. We change, we grow.
Maybe the characteristics you had as a kid no longer reflect who you are now. And sometimes it works for the better. You grow together, maybe you drift apart at the start but you get to know this new personality and realise you love that too. Maybe you try fitting a square into a circle. You can't just cut it until you fit together (Thank you Missy Higgins for that little bit) If you try to be someone you aren't just to attempt to keep the peace, may just end up blowing up in your face.
Its at this point I must also state that this blog post is not in anyway aimed at only one person, it's a general idea that for a while I have been thinking about because I realised that I was trying to fit the square idea into a circle, I wasn't happy, it was straining on all accounts.
Sometimes you have to shut off. Turn off the 'oh poor you' thoughts every time that person has to tell you over and over again about the same damn issue, regardless of how long ago it was, or if it was resolved or not, when that becomes the only thing you talk about.
Its not a careless or a heartless thing. Sadly it just becomes too difficult to care anymore.
And for once in my life I'm not apologising for it.
I won't apologise for no longer caring, for longer pretending everything will be OK with that friend/acquaintance/work mate etc. Because I'm sick of trying to cut something that just won't fit.
I'm sick of being the one that apologises for what has gone on, when not once have I heard those words reciprocated back to me.
I was not always the person in the wrong. They weren't perfect, and I never thought of them that way.
Now that its all said and done... Well maybe on my part anyway. We've said our peace in some instance.
It was too difficult to care then and nothings changed... I apologise for nothing because there's nothing else left to say.
It might come off as cold, but its because it was too difficult to care now that that person is now no longer part of my life & I don't feel like trying to blunt me so we'd fit. (again Thank you Missy Higgins)
Xx
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