Recently I have been noticing my beautiful dog Toby has been finding new spots to sleep, he's almost impossible to find some mornings. Now I know when a dog hides, its usually to pass away... And that sucks. But at 16 years old, he's had an amazing run. It will break me the day that comes, but right now all I want to do is make him as comfortable as possible, spend as much time as I can & most importantly telling him how much I love him all the time...
Obviously some days are better than others, If we have a bad day with Toby eg: He doesn't eat much, he just sleeps all day and doesn't notice we're walking around. You worry, you stress, and you feel sad. I begin thinking about what happens when he does eventually leave us, and that hurts, because now all you can think about is the bad stuff, will we have to call the vet to come? what then? do we all huddle around and wait? Where should we bury him? Should we bury him?
I've grown up with this wonderful dog, he's been my best friend for 14 years and we've shared everything! He was there when I fell off my bike, I taught him how to sit, to beg, and to drop, he taught me when things were exciting you could run around the backyard over and over again until you were exhausted. I was there when we decided to go for a walk & he was attacked and almost mauled by a dog off its lead in our front yard. We didn't finish our walk that day I was too busy making sure he was ok as well as screaming blue murder at the idiot who knew his dog was antisocial & dangereous but still let him do what it wanted. There was the time we took him to the park and let him off his lead & he didn't know what to do. The tears, the colds, the vet trips, the baths. When I came home one night from work and said hello to my baby, only to realise he was in a world of pain. Toby's back molar had become infected, so badly it had affected his sineses, his poor little face was twice the size and all he could do was whimper, he barely ate that night and so I demanded Toby be taken to the vet ASAP. My parents had just thought he was sooking to come in or to be fed. He spent 12 hours in the vet the next day, he was supposed to go home at 6pm, I was already waiting at 5:30. The seizure at the vet that left me vowing never to let him walk into the vets again. Every morning when he was younger we used to sit on the back step and have cuddles, he'd climb into my lap and stay there for as long as possible. It still occurs, but my boy can no longer sit in my lap, but he loves cuddles.
But thinking of what the plan was next when it came to his passing, I realised something.
Before Toby we had adopted another dog, a terrier named JoJo. More like she adopted us. We didn't have her all that long. Sadly a few days after my 7th birthday, dad got up for work and found our girl. She had been poisioned, but of course no one was ever caught. Mum let us stay home that day to say goodbye to our first ever dog, the one who originally lived across the road at a lovely ladies house, but JoJo didn't like staying in her yard, instead every afternoon, she would wonder over to our place, where she would walk through the open gates and sit with dad until my brothers bus dropped him off. When Laura would come home, she'd know exactly where to look for her dog. So when she had to move into a unit, and she couldn't take JoJo, she came over and asked us. Us kids said yes... Mum said only if your dad says yes. We called dad, and begged, and cried. We kept her.
When dad got home he said he was taking JoJo to the pet cemetary... And off they went. But in the whole time she's been gone, never once have I thought about this more than ever. In 14 years, I haven't visited my first dog! So I started thinking... If she did go to a cemetary, where did she go? How many are there anyway? So I did a google search, only 2 locations looked close enough to be it. But then what?
Only then did the adult in my head ask: But what if she never went to a cemetary? What happened to her if she didn't? Did my parents tell me a white lie to spare me the truth?
What if I went to the source and asked, but didn't like what I heard?
Well now that I have thought about this my quest begins! I want to find my dearest JoJo, because even though I don't remember her as much as I do Toby, but she was still my dog, even if we only had her a year, she's still ours.
This is a dedication to my first ever dog. JoJo I miss you so so much, and I hope Shelley our cat is looking after you. I can only hope I find some answers and possibly find you to say all these things and more. Love you JoJo. Always. xoxo
Xx
Obviously some days are better than others, If we have a bad day with Toby eg: He doesn't eat much, he just sleeps all day and doesn't notice we're walking around. You worry, you stress, and you feel sad. I begin thinking about what happens when he does eventually leave us, and that hurts, because now all you can think about is the bad stuff, will we have to call the vet to come? what then? do we all huddle around and wait? Where should we bury him? Should we bury him?
I've grown up with this wonderful dog, he's been my best friend for 14 years and we've shared everything! He was there when I fell off my bike, I taught him how to sit, to beg, and to drop, he taught me when things were exciting you could run around the backyard over and over again until you were exhausted. I was there when we decided to go for a walk & he was attacked and almost mauled by a dog off its lead in our front yard. We didn't finish our walk that day I was too busy making sure he was ok as well as screaming blue murder at the idiot who knew his dog was antisocial & dangereous but still let him do what it wanted. There was the time we took him to the park and let him off his lead & he didn't know what to do. The tears, the colds, the vet trips, the baths. When I came home one night from work and said hello to my baby, only to realise he was in a world of pain. Toby's back molar had become infected, so badly it had affected his sineses, his poor little face was twice the size and all he could do was whimper, he barely ate that night and so I demanded Toby be taken to the vet ASAP. My parents had just thought he was sooking to come in or to be fed. He spent 12 hours in the vet the next day, he was supposed to go home at 6pm, I was already waiting at 5:30. The seizure at the vet that left me vowing never to let him walk into the vets again. Every morning when he was younger we used to sit on the back step and have cuddles, he'd climb into my lap and stay there for as long as possible. It still occurs, but my boy can no longer sit in my lap, but he loves cuddles.
But thinking of what the plan was next when it came to his passing, I realised something.
Before Toby we had adopted another dog, a terrier named JoJo. More like she adopted us. We didn't have her all that long. Sadly a few days after my 7th birthday, dad got up for work and found our girl. She had been poisioned, but of course no one was ever caught. Mum let us stay home that day to say goodbye to our first ever dog, the one who originally lived across the road at a lovely ladies house, but JoJo didn't like staying in her yard, instead every afternoon, she would wonder over to our place, where she would walk through the open gates and sit with dad until my brothers bus dropped him off. When Laura would come home, she'd know exactly where to look for her dog. So when she had to move into a unit, and she couldn't take JoJo, she came over and asked us. Us kids said yes... Mum said only if your dad says yes. We called dad, and begged, and cried. We kept her.
When dad got home he said he was taking JoJo to the pet cemetary... And off they went. But in the whole time she's been gone, never once have I thought about this more than ever. In 14 years, I haven't visited my first dog! So I started thinking... If she did go to a cemetary, where did she go? How many are there anyway? So I did a google search, only 2 locations looked close enough to be it. But then what?
Only then did the adult in my head ask: But what if she never went to a cemetary? What happened to her if she didn't? Did my parents tell me a white lie to spare me the truth?
What if I went to the source and asked, but didn't like what I heard?
Well now that I have thought about this my quest begins! I want to find my dearest JoJo, because even though I don't remember her as much as I do Toby, but she was still my dog, even if we only had her a year, she's still ours.
This is a dedication to my first ever dog. JoJo I miss you so so much, and I hope Shelley our cat is looking after you. I can only hope I find some answers and possibly find you to say all these things and more. Love you JoJo. Always. xoxo
Xx
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