So as it has been quite a while since writing the last post I decided to begin writing once more...
As it stands Tafe's almost over (Thank the heavens!), and I'm now looking forward to my future ventures that may be life motivating or life changing... Maybe even both.
My year at tafe this year has been slightly different I have come to notice compared to last year when all I did was stress out and fail.
This year however I've learnt so much about myself and the way I go about things that I have changed my thinking... The stressed part? Not yet. The sitting back and failing or the 'see how we go approach' doesn't work. It doesn't!
This year whenever I've been stuck or I didn't get it, I took my pride out of the equation and asked for help, sometimes finding it surprisingly in someone I didn't expect.
I mean sure I've had set backs! I'm not saying overnight I got amazing and got amazing grades, because I didn't. I still struggle and I still stress myself stupid at times, but now instead of hiding from the fact that I'm lost and stressing myself out to point of no return, I'm saying I need help. And its the best thing I could have done.
My last big assessment for the year is a 20minute presentation... Sounds easy right? WRONG! OH SO WRONG! See the thing is you choose a piece of music and you analyse it. To a certain way, describing things that originally do you head in simply attempting to find, but even worse when you now have to talk about them to show your understanding of what you have learnt overall throughout the year...
Oh and its 40% of your overall mark as well. Stressed would be a nice way of describing this assessment.
Last year I sucked. No joke! My speech was 10mins long, was all over the place and pretty much did everything I wasn't supposed to in my assessment. I failed.
I failed so bad my teacher had to pull me out of a class to inform me not to bother coming to the catch up classes I failed that bad.
So of course I looked forward to coming back and doing the whole thing over again.... HA! My confidence in myself was gone, all of it gone.
But I knew if I had given up on myself completely I wouldn't have come back, would've asked questions, wouldn't have understood what I was missing and hated myself for it.
I came back, as scared as I was of failing again, but not trying? I couldn't have lived with myself to be perfectly honest.
A friend at the start of the year asked me, "what would you have been able to do If you didn't go back?"
"what was the point of going back and doing the year all over again?" the first question came to me as truthfull, and correct at the start of year.. What could I do? The only thing I was ever good at was music.
Top of my music class every year in Highschool, including year 12... And mostly it was because I could sing, and my attendance was amazing compared to the other students... that was all I was good at.
But as of late, passing, getting my grades better and better everytime I re-thought about that question... I just wish my first reaction was "well if we were such good friends, you'd know I'm good at other things too... But I dared to be different from everyone else."
I got great marks in English in year 12, but I sucked at pychology.
I excelled in my Community Services VET course, did alright in Theatre studies.
But to me grades didn't matter. I always tried my hardest to be better, pushed myself to keep moving forward.
In my world as it stands, the ability to understand and decifier my Austistic brothers speech, teach him new things, Being creative, to be open to learn new things, and learn and grow from my mistakes. That's what else I can do.
As for the second question:
Because I have to prove to everyone that I'm not a loser.
Now: I'm glad I went back, because I could do it for myself not for other people, it may have started out that way, but in time I began doing it for myself stuff everyone else. My mother is the worst person to motivate me. She thinks its showing love and affection, to me its NAG NAG NAG. So One day I told her that. I told her it had nothing to do with her and she should let me fail or pass because it was me doing the work. Not anyone else.
Tafe has become easier... This last assignment, while extreemly stressful, sleep depriving, nausiating, mood testing, brain testing, ability testing.
I finally have a pretty good grasp on it. And not because I sat and stressed and got worked up. Because I stood up and asked for help.
Xx
As it stands Tafe's almost over (Thank the heavens!), and I'm now looking forward to my future ventures that may be life motivating or life changing... Maybe even both.
My year at tafe this year has been slightly different I have come to notice compared to last year when all I did was stress out and fail.
This year however I've learnt so much about myself and the way I go about things that I have changed my thinking... The stressed part? Not yet. The sitting back and failing or the 'see how we go approach' doesn't work. It doesn't!
This year whenever I've been stuck or I didn't get it, I took my pride out of the equation and asked for help, sometimes finding it surprisingly in someone I didn't expect.
I mean sure I've had set backs! I'm not saying overnight I got amazing and got amazing grades, because I didn't. I still struggle and I still stress myself stupid at times, but now instead of hiding from the fact that I'm lost and stressing myself out to point of no return, I'm saying I need help. And its the best thing I could have done.
My last big assessment for the year is a 20minute presentation... Sounds easy right? WRONG! OH SO WRONG! See the thing is you choose a piece of music and you analyse it. To a certain way, describing things that originally do you head in simply attempting to find, but even worse when you now have to talk about them to show your understanding of what you have learnt overall throughout the year...
Oh and its 40% of your overall mark as well. Stressed would be a nice way of describing this assessment.
Last year I sucked. No joke! My speech was 10mins long, was all over the place and pretty much did everything I wasn't supposed to in my assessment. I failed.
I failed so bad my teacher had to pull me out of a class to inform me not to bother coming to the catch up classes I failed that bad.
So of course I looked forward to coming back and doing the whole thing over again.... HA! My confidence in myself was gone, all of it gone.
But I knew if I had given up on myself completely I wouldn't have come back, would've asked questions, wouldn't have understood what I was missing and hated myself for it.
I came back, as scared as I was of failing again, but not trying? I couldn't have lived with myself to be perfectly honest.
A friend at the start of the year asked me, "what would you have been able to do If you didn't go back?"
"what was the point of going back and doing the year all over again?" the first question came to me as truthfull, and correct at the start of year.. What could I do? The only thing I was ever good at was music.
Top of my music class every year in Highschool, including year 12... And mostly it was because I could sing, and my attendance was amazing compared to the other students... that was all I was good at.
But as of late, passing, getting my grades better and better everytime I re-thought about that question... I just wish my first reaction was "well if we were such good friends, you'd know I'm good at other things too... But I dared to be different from everyone else."
I got great marks in English in year 12, but I sucked at pychology.
I excelled in my Community Services VET course, did alright in Theatre studies.
But to me grades didn't matter. I always tried my hardest to be better, pushed myself to keep moving forward.
In my world as it stands, the ability to understand and decifier my Austistic brothers speech, teach him new things, Being creative, to be open to learn new things, and learn and grow from my mistakes. That's what else I can do.
As for the second question:
Because I have to prove to everyone that I'm not a loser.
Now: I'm glad I went back, because I could do it for myself not for other people, it may have started out that way, but in time I began doing it for myself stuff everyone else. My mother is the worst person to motivate me. She thinks its showing love and affection, to me its NAG NAG NAG. So One day I told her that. I told her it had nothing to do with her and she should let me fail or pass because it was me doing the work. Not anyone else.
Tafe has become easier... This last assignment, while extreemly stressful, sleep depriving, nausiating, mood testing, brain testing, ability testing.
I finally have a pretty good grasp on it. And not because I sat and stressed and got worked up. Because I stood up and asked for help.
Xx
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