These losses.

Grief is a powerful thing.

Its different everytime we experience loss.
The anger, hurt, sadness, confusion, and everything else that goes with it is hightened in a more intense way. The closest we are to the ones we love the more horrendous it hurts, but regardless on how much it does we still love, we still care. Even if it means facing loss over and over.

Someone once told me that the pain of losing a family member will always outweigh that of any other. Friends are just friends and pets well they shouldn't be grieved at all its just what happens.
 But people die all the time too so do we not grieve over them,when its just what happens?

The first one hurts more than all the others but it gets easier....

Shelly was mums. We all knew it. Pete and I had her climbing the curtain rails, she'd only curl up with us when us kids were fast asleep. Oh and she was a cat. The blackest little fluff ball. Before our holiday drive to Sydney the vets told my parents it was cancer and it was going to kill her painfully and swiftly. So it was decided. Shelly was going away. Up to heaven. At 5 and 6 it sounds like she was off to her own holiday where all the cats go. Did I cry? Sure. I'm surprised mum held it together consolling me when it was her cat. The cat she'd had before she met dad, shelly was 15. It was a long time to love.

I had a goldfish once. I won it at school in a raffle, Free tank and goldfish, her name was goldy. Don't judge I was naive then.
 One day she was there the next gone. But she couldn't go to heaven, she had to take the toilet express to fish heaven. Wasn't sad. Goldfish aren't that fun.

'Would you possibly be able to take my girl?'

Dad had said no dogs. He was adamant. No more pets after shelly. Absolutely not.
   This dog had picked us long before we were asked, but it took dad to go away for the weekend did he cave and let us have her. Jo-Jo was a big tan coloured shaggy. we took her to the park once to get some photos taken seperately of her and I for petes compic book, I know she joined me for tea and biscuits at the little red table i had outside once. I have the pictures to prove it. They are the only things I have.
 Someone with no regard or compassion for anyone or anything bated her.

Dad found her. It was too late. I understood a bit better this time that dogs and cats don't come back from vacation.... heavens where they go to live. We said goodbye and that was that. 3 weeks we enjoyed her, adored her.
 Was it easier? No. Because cats and dogs don't come back from their vacation to heaven. That's where they live forever more, not because they don't love us, but because it was time.
  Incomprehensible madness. Why did we have her so short a time, could I have loved her more? Just 3 weeks out of her 3 years of life.

Grief is by no means easy. If I'd known I still would've had them, loved them, missed them.

What I wasn't expecting?

That this last hit of grief would be my worst.