To Medicate, Meditate, Mediate.

When do you reach breaking point? Why would you ask for help? What will your day bring today? Who will be there to pick you up? Who will be there to watch you fall?

We've all come to a point where nothings working for us anymore. Could be a job, a house, a relationship, a friendship. Literally anything.
  

 We change overselves and our lives constantly but is it enough? Is it part of the plan? When is enough enough?

What most people don't think about: is when is it ok to ask for help? Why isn't it ok not to be ok? When will you ever be enough in this world? What do I do?

The fear of embarrassment, fear of being left behind, fear of failure, fear of fear itself. These things can eventually  paralyze you, but what comes first is denial. 'I'm fine.' 'Everythings great' 'everythings going the way I want'
   

   Then the self doubt starts creeping in.
'Everythings not going my way and I'm not going to say anything because they'll feel sorry for me' 'if I speak up I'll just be bothering everyone' 'there's someone else who has bigger problems' 'they'll tell me to not worry about it'
    

         Stress invades everything. Muscles ache, exhaustion kicks in, always tense always on edge.
 We close ourselves up, shut down, wait for the next thing to fall down upon us.
  Or we push it out of our minds and focus on something elese. Sometines so intensly that you finally feel the weight you have been carrying.

Sometimes doing things on your own, isn't always the best idea. Sometimes you need a shoulder to lean on, a hand to hold, a support to get the help we need.

My friends are incredible. Some have gone through a heck of a lot in life, some are still fighting to shift the balance. These are the people I adore. I won't say I'm inspired by them because classing the most wonderful, amazing, talented, loving friends they are as simply an 'inspiration' doesn't give them the credit they deserve.
    Many have surpassed an expectation that they'd be gone by now. Proudly I state my friends are resilient and strong, no matter what life or the universe throws at them. Yes some of my friends may doubt (or argue) that's not the case but some of friends weren't supposed to make it to their 21st birthday so for them to still be here shows how strong they truly are, regardless of how much further they need to go to obtain a healthy medium. But its the ability to seek the help they need and deserve,  and the ability to keep fighting no matter what lies ahead. They are some of the main reasons for my motivations. I am truly grateful for all the amazing people in my life.

When to know enough is enough.

Most people wouldn't know that sometimes sinking into oblivion is thought often whispered at night when no one else is listening.

Its hard to explain, and its hard to endure. 

Neither of which are helpful in the quest for a healthy medium, because there comes a point where dealing with certain things on your own doesn't work anymore. Its time for reinforcements.

Seemingly shy and awkward doesn't always mean that a person is disinterested, appearing that way protects against 'caring too much' yes there's an argument that one can never care too much, there's also an argument that caring too much leaves you open to profound hurt or disapointment.
   Constant happiness or positivity can mask the appearance of protective barriers... But that's for another blog post...
   

Walls are up to hold the parts in more securely, away from things that may cause pain. To restrain those thoughts of abandonment or rejection.

Some people will slowly chip away at the foundation, trying to find a way in. Its the amount they think that the loved one wont notice at first, but eventually everything will simply crumble. I'll be here, but I'm not sure how much I should step in. I'll wait until you're ready, but I won't wait for you to shut me out.

    

     Some run at these walls full pelt with a sledgehammer, unwilling to allow the ones they care about sink into oblivion. It isn't happening to our people. They need help and if they can't admit it as much as they want, I'll come in guns blazing to be your warrior. But remember that just because you'd expect someone to do that to you, don't assume that it'll always aid the person whos walls you're sledgehammering into oblivion.
    

   Ignorant people yell and scream. Walls aren't meant to be there, you're not fighting enough. Pushing someone past their limits can only make things worse with certain people, and you may end up distancing by your 'person' potentially  severing the ties.
 

    Others unknowingly provide more bricks or tougher mortar to make the walls higher, possibly even putting in an extra wall to form a double barrier. To acknowledge the oblivion is a bad idea. Ignore and it'll pass.

To let the walls down is a horrifying idea, until you meet the people who makes your guards come down and make peace with the hidden pieces.
 

  How much can be revealed? Can you let everything go? Will you ever truly be free from the walls, the awkwardness, the hiding and pretending.
   Can anyone see the walls? How do you explain what the walls are doing there?

How do you tell someone you care about that something in your life isn't working as effectively?

Thinking your own back is enough, when in reality you find yourself drowning is hard to admit.

Cracks appear. Being calm and positive becomes extreemly difficult, the trick of these cracks comes down to a few things:
 Did you notice?
Did you tell someone?
Did you pretend like you saw absolutely nothing?
  Are you willing to ask?
Are you ready to help?
  What will you think of me?
Will I be able to convey everything that needs to be said?
   Who can I trust to listen? To care? To act?

Admitting is the first chip.

 
   I am struggling. I'm telling you because I trust that you'll listen, without judgement, without bias. Someone is reaching for your help, your hand, your thoughts.

Searching for the answers is an anxious and scary time. Explaining to a complete stranger exactly what you need or have noticed is near impossible. Nothings that bad, just a little concerned, but I'm fine.

You aren't going to openly admit that sometimes the thoughts in your heads don't feel like your own. That waking up doesn't always bring sunshine and rainbows.
   

Thankfully most competent people will ask the right questions, start the process and never be willing to surrender.
   

   The process isn't a walk in the park. Its long and annoying, kind of like a lecture that won't end or thinking you'd done hours of work to only find out that minutes had gone past.

Just because the help is required doesn't mean that you no longer need your 'people' in anyway. If anything you may need them that little bit more, but that needs to be discussed and accepted.

The hard part is to accept. The hardest part is to start to heal.

No one can tell you how long the process will be, whether coping will be easily adjustable or what will be the outcome.
   Something to learn: If you notice a difference in your people, be there with your chisel. Start chipping.
   Don't pretend its not there. Don't help someone put up more walls and please, please, please don't try to push someone past their limits. Don't let people fall into oblivion

That's me for tonight.
Xx